Obstacles Hindering Contentment: An Analysis of Two Common Hurdles
In a groundbreaking study, psychologist Steven C. Hayes and his colleagues have observed two strategies for seeking and experiencing happiness: "Experiential Attachment" and "Positivity Prioritizing".
Hayes, co-founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and foundation professor at the University of Nevada in Reno, suggests that avoiding or suppressing negative emotions and clinging tightly to positive ones is counterproductive. This approach, known as experiential avoidance, often backfires, making suppressing difficult feelings stronger and more persistent. Such attempts can erode well-being, increase anxiety, and harm health. On the other hand, clinging too tightly to joy can "crush" the positive experience, leading to less happiness over time.
Instead, Hayes proposes pursuing happiness wisely by accepting all emotions—positive and negative—without struggling against them. This approach is central to ACT, which cultivates psychological flexibility: learning to experience thoughts and feelings without getting swept away by them, staying present, and taking purposeful action aligned with personal values even in the face of difficult emotions.
Hayes uses the metaphor of trying to push a beach ball underwater to describe emotional avoidance—efforts to suppress negative feelings inevitably fail because the feelings resurface with force. Rather than fighting emotions, ACT encourages making space for thoughts and feelings and then committing to valued actions. This means not demanding constant happiness but engaging fully in life with both its ups and downs. The goal is not to shun joy but to "chase happiness wisely" by balancing acceptance with intentional living.
The study found that "Experiential Attachment"—holding on to positive feelings—tended to result in consistently less happiness. On the other hand, among those who applied the "Positivity Prioritizing" principle, a subgroup experienced a "happiness boost" over the observation period. However, in another subgroup, "Positivity Prioritizing" did not directly help, and some fell into the "clinging trap".
Dorothee Salchow, a trainer and coach for Positive Psychology, echoes Hayes's sentiments, stating that all emotions or feelings, including negative ones, have their benefits. However, she warns against clinging to positive feelings, stating that true happiness comes from noticing, enjoying, and letting go of things, not from demanding consistency.
Hayes advises doing something loving to feel more love, creating something beautiful to see more beauty, and seeking and enjoying happy moments without holding on to them. The key, according to Hayes, is not to pursue happiness, but how we pursue it. By embracing acceptance, connection, and action, we can foster psychological flexibility that supports health and authentic happiness.
Pursuing happiness by clinging tightly to positive feelings, as with 'Experientional Attachment', may result in consistently less happiness according to the study. Instead, embracing all emotions, whether positive or negative, can help foster psychological flexibility that supports health and authentic happiness, as proposed by psychologist Steven C. Hayes.
